Don’t believe me? What in the name of God is the purpose of Kate Beckinsale being in Click? Jessica Biel in I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry? And most egregious of all, is there any real reason for Salma Hayek being in Grown Ups other than the intentions I assume Sandler has? I guarantee you there was a night where Sandler was drunk and happened to be watching From Dusk Til Dawn. Not to mention he casts gorgeous actresses in his films, always as his wife or love interest, simply because he wants to get to at least second base with them on camera. As much as it pains me to say it, I respect that, damn it. Still, instead of working hard and creating the best possible product, he’d rather coast by, hang out with his friends, and make a fuck ton of money. He was a standout member of maybe the greatest Saturday Night Live cast of all time, and made the two aforementioned classic films. Sandler knows that his movies will make money pretty much no matter what, and I genuinely believe that because he knows this, he doesn’t give a shit what movies he makes. Whether that speaks to the general retardation of America or, well, that actually is what that speaks to, but it’s beside the point. Somehow, despite churning out insultingly bad movie after insultingly bad movie, Sandler is not only still marketable, but actually successful. For example, he co-wrote Bucky Larson, which is to good comedy what Nazi Holocaust surgical experiments are to responsible medicine. Adam Sandler’s brain has shit some terrible ideas onto the page.
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